Friends

The Science of Friendships

Humans are social beings. That's a scientific fact. We need relationships physiologically to lower stress. Relationships and social connections also have been shown to lower the risk of cardiovascular disease.* However, as I'm sure we've all experienced, it is exceedingly difficult to create, cultivate, and maintain meaningful, lasting, positive, relationships.

My Friendship Story

Personally, my social skills didn't fully develop until I was in my teens. In grade school (aka elementary school), kids were nice to me, but I had no idea that they even wanted to be my friend. I thought they were just being nice. (I also had a low opinion of myself, but that's another day). 

In middle school, I tried to break out of the shell I was in previously, but I think I pushed a little too hard and probably rubbed people the wrong way when I was trying to become their friends. Again, maybe not. My social skills were not well-attuned. 

In high school, I tried to strike more of a social balance, but I still had difficulty keeping friends. I thought the seasons when we weren't as close meant they didn't care about me anymore. I didn't understand relationships change and evolve in their nature. I still struggle with that. I wanted those girls (and guy) to stay friends in the same way they always were. 

In college, I finally found a group that, for the most part, remained intact for a full 2 years (from my sophomore to senior year). We had some amazingly fun times. I will always carry those people and experiences with me. I communicate with a few of them almost 5 years later. 

Current Friendship Status

Currently, I have some friends I have a lot of respect and care very much for, and I try to keep in touch with them however and whenever I can. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends in my area, unless you count my awesome teacher colleagues with whom I work. Writing letters is so much fun! I write letters to 3 different friends, and I learn insights about them I didn't expect to. 

I have some friends who I still consider friends (or I would like to), but they are in a very different season in their lives than I am. I often wonder how I can become friends with them again. They're still in the same region and they're the same women, but because of their different season, how do I reach back out?  

How do we cope when we lose a friend?

Sometimes friends change too much, and they're not the same people you loved. Therefore, the friendship ends and is lost. I know whenever I've lost close friends, whether organically or through fallings-out, a little piece of my heart disintegrates as the relationship does. Obviously, change is part of life. Sometimes, there's nothing we can do but to let the friendship fade away like a painting left in the sun. I've learned that not all friendships last forever, but we should treasure those that remain intact as years pass.  

Pun of the Post (POP): "There are good ships and bad ships, but the best kind of ships are friendships." 

* In Good Company: NBC article