Secrets

Why do we have secrets? For some of us, it's because there are parts of our personality or our past that we don't feel comfortable sharing. Or it's something we're ashamed of and we hide it from ourselves, so we are reluctant to share with other people as it's something we don't want to face. 

How do we decide if we should share a secret? For me, it's easy. If I've been open with someone on several levels, then I have no qualms with sharing because I feel like they already know most everything about me. We also have to gauge how the other person might react. In my case, I was coaxed into sharing. Because of the depths of my feelings, I thought it was the right time. 

When (if) we finally share them, how are we supposed to feel? I think it depends on how the other person reacts to the sharing of our secret, both external and implied.  For example, when I told my deepest, darkest secret to the person who has my heart and soul, they reacted better than I thought. Externally, they told me they still cared for me and the overall secret and its implications didn't affect their feelings for me. 

Implied is another matter. My secret is now a weapon in their hands. Something they can push back in my face because of human nature as well as the nature of the secret itself. It's already happened; less than 4 hours after I shared it. My heart is broken, but due to the vulnerability I exposed by virtue of sharing the secret, I feel like I deserve it. Let's hope this last secret I've kept from them isn't the dealbreaker. 

QUOP: "There are no secrets that time does not reveal." - Jean Racine

 What are your opinions on secrets? Drop a comment below. 

#NeverAgain: The Story of [Today]

Buckle up. It's about to get political passionate. 

I have a problem with guns. I have an issue with the way they're used, how little they are taken seriously, and how easily they can be obtained. I understand there are several responsible gun-owning citizens in this country. I know a caring family who supported me when I had no one else around who are responsible with their guns. 

However, they aren't the problem here. 

The problem is when mentally unstable and irresponsible people get ahold of weapons of mass destruction (Yes, I'm aware that guns aren't typically classified as that, but clearly they are). 

The problem is when teachers have to show their students what to do if there's an unknown person in the school building and kids are so scared they're shaking and crying in the 5 minutes of silence it took for us to have a drill. The problem is that morale in this society is so low that we don't value human life over the almighty dollar.  

I stand with these Parkland students. I am proud to be a Floridian. "History has its eyes on [us]" because we are where this movement started. I thank my favorite artists for whom I have immense respect for putting together a beautiful musical message of hope and solidarity. 

It's no secret I bleed blue. But that doesn't matter. To quote one of these brave students: 

"This is not a race issue, a religious issue, and it's definitely not a political issue. This is a morality issue." (QUOP) 

The traditional first post

Once upon a time, there was a depressed teenage girl who created a blog, knowing thinking no one would care. She just knew she had to express her feelings somehow because she had a lot to say and it needed to come out. 

Now, 10 years(!), 2 medications, and 5(?) therapists later, I still have a voice. It's a little more tempered and refined, thank God, but it still wants to come out. I am DONE trying to make everything perfect. So I'm taking a leap. Starting with this blog. I have no idea who will read it, but I don't care. I just hope someone, somewhere in the universal Internet sees my story and feels hopeful because of it. 

Opening yourself up is scary. Especially to strangers (therapists, Internet readers, etc.). However, it's cathartic as hell and it's a way to regain a balance in life while expressing oneself creatively (if you're doing it in blog, journal, podcast form). I need a better balance in life and I hope this will help me achieve it. 

Comment, share or message me anything you'd like. Just nothing mean or derogatory, please. Just exercising my right to free speech and you can exercise your right to ignore me and my blog. 

Quote Of the Post (QUOP): "Listen cowboy[s and cowgirls], courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."  - John Wayne