Shame

Hester Prynne is probably the most oversimplified but misunderstood character in literature.* 

OK so maybe not the most, but 
A) I'm prone to hyperbole, and 
B) I'm not familiar with every literary character. 

But I digress. 

That woman went through complete, utter hell. 

Because of her one mistake, she was barred from society. 

Because of her one indiscretion, she was forced to wear evidence of her mistake every day, in public, subject to ridicule. 

At least that scarlet "A" forced her to make peace with herself and come to grips with her mistake. Also, it would seem that the "A" also caused her to own up to her mistakes and have confidence in her choices, as evidenced in this passage. Plus, she conceived a beautiful child out of that ugly mess. (That would certainly be easier if it were the case with me. Children make all parts of my life better). 

Is a public display of your mistake easier than having an unseen "A"? Like a dark hand choking out your confidence and self-worth, it is very difficult to overcome the feeling of shame. I We are haunted by our mistake every time something remotely related to the indiscretion surfaces. I am You are terrified that someone will mention or reference it and the feelings will be renewed. 

I guess I we can learn something from Hester. Don't let your mistakes cause you to compromise your self-worth, and don't let shame overtake your acceptance of your choices.

QUOP: "In a moment, however, wisely judging that one token of her shame would but poorly serve to hide another, she took the baby on her arm, and, with a burning blush, and yet a haughty smile, and a glance that would not be abashed, looked around at her townspeople and neighbours. On the breast of her gown, in fine red cloth, surrounded with an elaborate embroidery and fantastic flourishes of gold thread, appeared the letter A."                                                                 - Nathaniel Hawthore, The Scarlet Letter, Chapter 2

*It's also been a long time since I read The Scarlet Letter, so forgive me if my plot points are a little off. 

This is Not a Moment, It's the MOVEMENT

Young people enact change. 

If people walked into my classroom, they would probably wonder why I'm so intense with my students. It's because I know what they are capable of. Yes, affluence matters to some degree, but it's heart that pushes convictions over the edge. 

Civil Rights Movement. Vietnam War Draft. American Revolution. Let Girls Learn Initiative. 

These movements began and ended with youth. These kids are the future of our country and they WILL enact change. 

America stands with you, Emma.

This is an 11-year old girl with a commanding presence and a powerful voice. She mentioned every young black female victim who hasn't made the front page. She led the walkout at her elementary school. 

Even my students know our president is a "bad guy." We should lower the voting age so kids like this could have a true voice. 

America stands with you, Naomi. 

The traditional first post

Once upon a time, there was a depressed teenage girl who created a blog, knowing thinking no one would care. She just knew she had to express her feelings somehow because she had a lot to say and it needed to come out. 

Now, 10 years(!), 2 medications, and 5(?) therapists later, I still have a voice. It's a little more tempered and refined, thank God, but it still wants to come out. I am DONE trying to make everything perfect. So I'm taking a leap. Starting with this blog. I have no idea who will read it, but I don't care. I just hope someone, somewhere in the universal Internet sees my story and feels hopeful because of it. 

Opening yourself up is scary. Especially to strangers (therapists, Internet readers, etc.). However, it's cathartic as hell and it's a way to regain a balance in life while expressing oneself creatively (if you're doing it in blog, journal, podcast form). I need a better balance in life and I hope this will help me achieve it. 

Comment, share or message me anything you'd like. Just nothing mean or derogatory, please. Just exercising my right to free speech and you can exercise your right to ignore me and my blog. 

Quote Of the Post (QUOP): "Listen cowboy[s and cowgirls], courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."  - John Wayne