This is ME

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (The only reason I'm saying it in this post is the last 2 were catching up).  Who likes my picture? This is when I was about 25 pounds heavier in a beautiful part of the Emerald Isle itself... Ireland! I think I look enormous in this picture, but my size certainly doesn't detract from the fact I love my happy smiling face, hair, and the background. I am ME! (Just like the songs from Camp Rock, and, more recently, The Greatest Showman). 

I'm writing this as my amazing boyfriend picks something to watch on Netflix. (Why is it so difficult to choose?) He finally picked Turner and Hooch (which I love Tom Hanks but I hate slobbery dogs). So I'm skeptical because all I really want to do is watch Cupcake Wars 😂...I mean the movie's cute, but that dog is horrible and disgusting. HE LIED TO ME ABOUT THE ENDING OF THIS STUPID MOVIE! Which I watched all of, thanks to him 😑. It was annoyingly cute. But I digress. 

Well back to my point. It's tricky being an individual isn't it? Society is all about conformity, and the various regions of the world correlate to different levels of conformity. However, as someone who's always been reluctant to conform, sometimes even confused by societal norms, I can honestly say I have never rarely conformed to who or what people expected of me. I went from standing up for the outcast, to trying desperately to fit in, to being feeling like an outcast myself, to embracing my individuality. It's odd though, because predictability annoys me almost as much as unpredictability. Oh well. "I'll keep marching out to the beat of my drum..."

"I am brave
I am proof
I am who I'm meant to be
This is me" - Keala Settle 

Side note: If you've never heard of Peter Hollens, go to his YouTube channel immediately. 

My Life

I know this is the name of a fabulous Billy Joel song, but I just wanted to take some time to post more about my purpose in this project. 

I’ve chosen not to tell my parents about this project. I’m not sure how they’d feel about me broadcasting my private thoughts over the internet (although I’m not posting anything too personal. This isn’t that kind of blog). 

I’ve decided to take some “Daniadvice” (new word that combines my therapist’s name and advice). She says that when I’m starting something new (or doing anything in life) I should consider: 

What would I accomplish by sharing this with someone? 

What would happen if I do? 

If the outcome of sharing something is less than desirable, then don’t share it. People are judgmental, even when they don’t mean to be, and oftentimes sharing something you’re excited about does more harm than good. So enjoy your endeavors (and maybe share things with the Internet instead). 

QUOP: "... aah but sooner or later you sleep in your own space. Either way it's ok you wake up with yourself...I don't care what you say anymore this is my life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone." - Billy Joel 

Side note: Billy actually wrote this song because he had to live with his parents for a time and he wanted them to realize he was going to be okay and he was more worried about living with himself. 

The traditional first post

Once upon a time, there was a depressed teenage girl who created a blog, knowing thinking no one would care. She just knew she had to express her feelings somehow because she had a lot to say and it needed to come out. 

Now, 10 years(!), 2 medications, and 5(?) therapists later, I still have a voice. It's a little more tempered and refined, thank God, but it still wants to come out. I am DONE trying to make everything perfect. So I'm taking a leap. Starting with this blog. I have no idea who will read it, but I don't care. I just hope someone, somewhere in the universal Internet sees my story and feels hopeful because of it. 

Opening yourself up is scary. Especially to strangers (therapists, Internet readers, etc.). However, it's cathartic as hell and it's a way to regain a balance in life while expressing oneself creatively (if you're doing it in blog, journal, podcast form). I need a better balance in life and I hope this will help me achieve it. 

Comment, share or message me anything you'd like. Just nothing mean or derogatory, please. Just exercising my right to free speech and you can exercise your right to ignore me and my blog. 

Quote Of the Post (QUOP): "Listen cowboy[s and cowgirls], courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."  - John Wayne