Year of the Book

 Welcome back, friends. It's been a while. 

Today I completed a training with the incomparable Hannah Brencher. She is the best-selling author of books such as Come Matter Here and Fighting Forward. Her passion is to encourage people to find their voice as a writer, and she certainly reminded me of mine. 

This summer, I went to Costa Rica. (You know it's always gonna come back to travel on this blog, kids).  There was a lot of bus travel with canvassing the entire country, making 3 stops in vastly different regions. Monteverde is Costa Rica's best-kept secret, so you need to go there if you love mountains and greenery.   With all that bus travel,  I had a lot of time to read. (Don't ask me how I didn't get car sick. I was always in the front of the bus, so that always helps.) One of the books I had the pleasure of reading was Come Matter Here (mentioned above). Y'all, I CRIED my eyes out. It was as though Hannah pushed a boulder away from a cave I was living in for 15 years and shone a flashlight in asking "Does anyone else feel this way?" It was about Hannah's personal journey through depression and how she learned to be present in a world that tells you the destination and the victory are what's important. 

After reading that book, God tapped me on the shoulder and said "Have I got a book for you, sis. You're gonna be a writer." And boy, did I listen to that little voice inside me. I spent the next 40 minutes on the bus typing out chapter titles, book titles, and concepts in my iPhone's Notes app, praying the battery would last. I bought Hannah's Writing Intensive course (which was a serious financial investment), and I was fired up. 

My idea was basically about failure. Why we fail, what happens when we fail, our fear of failure, different failures people experience in different phases of life, how to get back up, how doubt and failure are connected, on and on and on. 

And then life happened. 

This school year has been the hardest I have ever experienced as an educator. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to have 50(!) kids return to school, some who hadn't set foot in a building for 13 months, and it falling to me to reteach them what being a student looks like in a make or break year. In some ways, the past 6 months have felt like I've fallen flat on my face and cars have been running over me like a squirrel that darted out in the middle of the road. 

So when the Year of the Book email was sent to me by Hannah's team, the little voice was like "Make the investment. Try one more time." SO glad I did. Today was an affirmation that I am qualified to be a writer and the fears and doubts I've felt are excuses and lies that are paralyzing me from realizing the calling God has on my life. 

I am made for more (to quote another title I've been reading with my Bible study group).  And this year, I will be an author. 

Shame

Hester Prynne is probably the most oversimplified but misunderstood character in literature.* 

OK so maybe not the most, but 
A) I'm prone to hyperbole, and 
B) I'm not familiar with every literary character. 

But I digress. 

That woman went through complete, utter hell. 

Because of her one mistake, she was barred from society. 

Because of her one indiscretion, she was forced to wear evidence of her mistake every day, in public, subject to ridicule. 

At least that scarlet "A" forced her to make peace with herself and come to grips with her mistake. Also, it would seem that the "A" also caused her to own up to her mistakes and have confidence in her choices, as evidenced in this passage. Plus, she conceived a beautiful child out of that ugly mess. (That would certainly be easier if it were the case with me. Children make all parts of my life better). 

Is a public display of your mistake easier than having an unseen "A"? Like a dark hand choking out your confidence and self-worth, it is very difficult to overcome the feeling of shame. I We are haunted by our mistake every time something remotely related to the indiscretion surfaces. I am You are terrified that someone will mention or reference it and the feelings will be renewed. 

I guess I we can learn something from Hester. Don't let your mistakes cause you to compromise your self-worth, and don't let shame overtake your acceptance of your choices.

QUOP: "In a moment, however, wisely judging that one token of her shame would but poorly serve to hide another, she took the baby on her arm, and, with a burning blush, and yet a haughty smile, and a glance that would not be abashed, looked around at her townspeople and neighbours. On the breast of her gown, in fine red cloth, surrounded with an elaborate embroidery and fantastic flourishes of gold thread, appeared the letter A."                                                                 - Nathaniel Hawthore, The Scarlet Letter, Chapter 2

*It's also been a long time since I read The Scarlet Letter, so forgive me if my plot points are a little off. 

Long Days and Mini-Blessings

I finally told my parents about my self-research project (I know, I'm weak). It was more painless than I thought it would be. My dad also reminded me that he blogged when he did a service project in Brazil, so my parents aren't nearly as morally opposed as when I got my Tinder (not my brightest idea).

Although they still rain on my parade when I said I wanted a pig. (But come on, how cute are they?!)

My students are going CRAZY because spring break is in 3 days! I am so tired of their chaos today, especially because today was testing day 1 😜🙈.

HOWEVER, when I was doing my run/ walk today (14 min-mile today!), I found most of the Ramona books at a book swap station in my neighborhood. My students are LOVING Ramona Quimby, Age 8, which I'm reading to them right now. I was so excited! 

QUOP: "I hope children will be happy with the books I've written, and go on to be readers all of their lives." - Beverly Cleary