Friends

The Science of Friendships

Humans are social beings. That's a scientific fact. We need relationships physiologically to lower stress. Relationships and social connections also have been shown to lower the risk of cardiovascular disease.* However, as I'm sure we've all experienced, it is exceedingly difficult to create, cultivate, and maintain meaningful, lasting, positive, relationships.

My Friendship Story

Personally, my social skills didn't fully develop until I was in my teens. In grade school (aka elementary school), kids were nice to me, but I had no idea that they even wanted to be my friend. I thought they were just being nice. (I also had a low opinion of myself, but that's another day). 

In middle school, I tried to break out of the shell I was in previously, but I think I pushed a little too hard and probably rubbed people the wrong way when I was trying to become their friends. Again, maybe not. My social skills were not well-attuned. 

In high school, I tried to strike more of a social balance, but I still had difficulty keeping friends. I thought the seasons when we weren't as close meant they didn't care about me anymore. I didn't understand relationships change and evolve in their nature. I still struggle with that. I wanted those girls (and guy) to stay friends in the same way they always were. 

In college, I finally found a group that, for the most part, remained intact for a full 2 years (from my sophomore to senior year). We had some amazingly fun times. I will always carry those people and experiences with me. I communicate with a few of them almost 5 years later. 

Current Friendship Status

Currently, I have some friends I have a lot of respect and care very much for, and I try to keep in touch with them however and whenever I can. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends in my area, unless you count my awesome teacher colleagues with whom I work. Writing letters is so much fun! I write letters to 3 different friends, and I learn insights about them I didn't expect to. 

I have some friends who I still consider friends (or I would like to), but they are in a very different season in their lives than I am. I often wonder how I can become friends with them again. They're still in the same region and they're the same women, but because of their different season, how do I reach back out?  

How do we cope when we lose a friend?

Sometimes friends change too much, and they're not the same people you loved. Therefore, the friendship ends and is lost. I know whenever I've lost close friends, whether organically or through fallings-out, a little piece of my heart disintegrates as the relationship does. Obviously, change is part of life. Sometimes, there's nothing we can do but to let the friendship fade away like a painting left in the sun. I've learned that not all friendships last forever, but we should treasure those that remain intact as years pass.  

Pun of the Post (POP): "There are good ships and bad ships, but the best kind of ships are friendships." 

* In Good Company: NBC article

Secrets

Why do we have secrets? For some of us, it's because there are parts of our personality or our past that we don't feel comfortable sharing. Or it's something we're ashamed of and we hide it from ourselves, so we are reluctant to share with other people as it's something we don't want to face. 

How do we decide if we should share a secret? For me, it's easy. If I've been open with someone on several levels, then I have no qualms with sharing because I feel like they already know most everything about me. We also have to gauge how the other person might react. In my case, I was coaxed into sharing. Because of the depths of my feelings, I thought it was the right time. 

When (if) we finally share them, how are we supposed to feel? I think it depends on how the other person reacts to the sharing of our secret, both external and implied.  For example, when I told my deepest, darkest secret to the person who has my heart and soul, they reacted better than I thought. Externally, they told me they still cared for me and the overall secret and its implications didn't affect their feelings for me. 

Implied is another matter. My secret is now a weapon in their hands. Something they can push back in my face because of human nature as well as the nature of the secret itself. It's already happened; less than 4 hours after I shared it. My heart is broken, but due to the vulnerability I exposed by virtue of sharing the secret, I feel like I deserve it. Let's hope this last secret I've kept from them isn't the dealbreaker. 

QUOP: "There are no secrets that time does not reveal." - Jean Racine

 What are your opinions on secrets? Drop a comment below. 

Fit[ish] Girls

(Shay, I hope it's ok that I stole this title from you. 😁😁)

I suppose that's what I'm doing with this blog and the self- research project (another "Daniellism"). It's scary as hell to be on a pursuit of self-improvement and discovery, but it's necessary. How else will we make our lives fulfilling and worthwhile? 

As I was on my walk today (17 min. mile pace, holler!), I was thoroughly enjoying the cool FL weather and appreciating what my body can do and how it feels when I move it.  I still have a long way to g(r)o(w) to achieve optimum mental and physical fitness (can you believe they're both things?), but it's so worth it to be on the journey. 


This song is probably super corny to most, but I think it's really moving. 

QUOP: "Physical fitness is as important as intellectual fitness." - Plato 

The traditional first post

Once upon a time, there was a depressed teenage girl who created a blog, knowing thinking no one would care. She just knew she had to express her feelings somehow because she had a lot to say and it needed to come out. 

Now, 10 years(!), 2 medications, and 5(?) therapists later, I still have a voice. It's a little more tempered and refined, thank God, but it still wants to come out. I am DONE trying to make everything perfect. So I'm taking a leap. Starting with this blog. I have no idea who will read it, but I don't care. I just hope someone, somewhere in the universal Internet sees my story and feels hopeful because of it. 

Opening yourself up is scary. Especially to strangers (therapists, Internet readers, etc.). However, it's cathartic as hell and it's a way to regain a balance in life while expressing oneself creatively (if you're doing it in blog, journal, podcast form). I need a better balance in life and I hope this will help me achieve it. 

Comment, share or message me anything you'd like. Just nothing mean or derogatory, please. Just exercising my right to free speech and you can exercise your right to ignore me and my blog. 

Quote Of the Post (QUOP): "Listen cowboy[s and cowgirls], courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."  - John Wayne