Lin Manuel

“Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”

- from "The World Was Wide Enough" in Hamilton

I don't think any of us could've fathomed in 2008 how much of an impact Lin Manuel Miranda would have on pop culture in the next decade. My introduction was inauspicious, to be sure. My sister and mom saw In the Heights on Broadway, and they returned from their trip RAVING about the show. I had slowly embraced the magic of Broadway through shows like Phantom, Mamma Mia, Wicked, Lion King, Grease, etc. However, I sensed the distinct lack of flair that I felt every week spending time with my family through my entire childhood. 

About 6 months later, we got to see the show in Tampa. I was riveted. I thought, "I can't believe someone blended the music I grew up listening to in my grandfather's Lincoln Navigator with the shows on stage that I love." I listened to the ITH soundtrack all the time for the next few years. When Hamilton came out 7 years later, I was skeptical. Latin music? Okay. But what was hip-hop doing on a Broadway stage? Once I started listening to that soundtrack, I was hooked too. 

Lin Manuel has the songwriting Midas touch. I am still baffled how he can blend any story with any style of music and turn it into a masterpiece. I know the characters he's created music for have been exceptional in their own right. However, music (Disney music in particular) had not been as masterful as his since Howard Ashman and Alan Menken. 

I am grateful for the musical gifts he has given to the world through Moana, Vivo, and Encanto, and his directorial magic for revitalizing Jonathan Larson's work, another favorite Broadway songwriter of mine. I'm really glad he's had the pleasure of seeing the garden his legacy has created. 

Lin, you'll probably never read this, but I am profoundly grateful for you. It's been a delight to be part of the generation who's basked in the beauty of your music. 

🎶 🎶"Siempre me enamore [el] encanto [de tu música]"🎶 🎶

Failure and Shame

Let's bring this word back with part 2 of my previous blog post. 

Shame. 

How does your body react when you say or think this word? Mine visibly tenses and shivers. It turns out, we can't regulate the idea/ feeling of shame as readily as other emotions. 

I just listened to a Typology podcast about shame as felt through each Enneagram type. (If you don't know what the Enneagram is, this podcast will tell you. I'll also do a follow-up post about the Enneagram). In it, the guest, Dr. Curt Thompson, explained the physiological and spiritual origins of shame. It was such a huge insight for me in light of the book I'm planning to write about failure. How often do we feel shame in association with a mistake we've made or a failure we've experienced? How young are we when we start to experience these 2 bullies (failure and shame) in tandem? My specific Enneagram type feels shame when we make mistakes. And of course, the shame is amplified because of my inner critic, or the voice in my head that constantly reminds me how inadequate I am. 

I had an unfortunate incident this week involving an angry parent. She targeted me directly with outlandish accusations and caused everyone in my school office to bend over backward in order to pacify her.  When my principal discussed the matter with me, my shame level was immeasurable. She asked me some basic questions about documentation, and I had to tell her I didn't have any. That's a big no-no in teaching. Even though she was diplomatic and understanding with me, I felt so much guilt in my role in this altercation. The "shoulda coulda woulda" mind took over as it often does when we make a mistake. 

So what do we do about it? 

We give it to God. 

The very next day, I wrote in my prayer journal.  I wrote in my Bible verse journal. I made a conscious decision to let the shame go. To trust in my abilities and believe that I am a good teacher in spite of this person trying to make me feel otherwise. I did what was in my power to rectify the mistake, just like in The Scarlet Letter. Hester Prynne remained true and steadfast to her faith and her church, the very people who persecuted her for having an illegitimate child in the first place. She received her reward in her community realizing that they judged her too harshly. I receive my reward in loving on my students and parents who appreciate me walking out my calling. 

Don't get me wrong, this was a rather cataclysmic incident. I'm still feeling some serious discomfort and anxiety. But I get to choose to wear the A. And I'm taking it off. 

Year of the Book

 Welcome back, friends. It's been a while. 

Today I completed a training with the incomparable Hannah Brencher. She is the best-selling author of books such as Come Matter Here and Fighting Forward. Her passion is to encourage people to find their voice as a writer, and she certainly reminded me of mine. 

This summer, I went to Costa Rica. (You know it's always gonna come back to travel on this blog, kids).  There was a lot of bus travel with canvassing the entire country, making 3 stops in vastly different regions. Monteverde is Costa Rica's best-kept secret, so you need to go there if you love mountains and greenery.   With all that bus travel,  I had a lot of time to read. (Don't ask me how I didn't get car sick. I was always in the front of the bus, so that always helps.) One of the books I had the pleasure of reading was Come Matter Here (mentioned above). Y'all, I CRIED my eyes out. It was as though Hannah pushed a boulder away from a cave I was living in for 15 years and shone a flashlight in asking "Does anyone else feel this way?" It was about Hannah's personal journey through depression and how she learned to be present in a world that tells you the destination and the victory are what's important. 

After reading that book, God tapped me on the shoulder and said "Have I got a book for you, sis. You're gonna be a writer." And boy, did I listen to that little voice inside me. I spent the next 40 minutes on the bus typing out chapter titles, book titles, and concepts in my iPhone's Notes app, praying the battery would last. I bought Hannah's Writing Intensive course (which was a serious financial investment), and I was fired up. 

My idea was basically about failure. Why we fail, what happens when we fail, our fear of failure, different failures people experience in different phases of life, how to get back up, how doubt and failure are connected, on and on and on. 

And then life happened. 

This school year has been the hardest I have ever experienced as an educator. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to have 50(!) kids return to school, some who hadn't set foot in a building for 13 months, and it falling to me to reteach them what being a student looks like in a make or break year. In some ways, the past 6 months have felt like I've fallen flat on my face and cars have been running over me like a squirrel that darted out in the middle of the road. 

So when the Year of the Book email was sent to me by Hannah's team, the little voice was like "Make the investment. Try one more time." SO glad I did. Today was an affirmation that I am qualified to be a writer and the fears and doubts I've felt are excuses and lies that are paralyzing me from realizing the calling God has on my life. 

I am made for more (to quote another title I've been reading with my Bible study group).  And this year, I will be an author. 

Music's in My Soul

Greetings followers! (what's left of you).

It's been a minute. This is my first comeback post. 

“How is it that music can, without words, evoke our laughter, our fears, our highest aspirations?” ― Jane Swan

                           Print by Michael Tompsett

First, I would like to preface this by saying I am not a music critic. I am not well-trained. I don't know how to describe music artfully. I just know what I like and what shaped the person I am. 

Here I am, sitting on my couch, a loss for words about this thing that's made our lives. I just listened to the new Jonas album and saw Rocketman this week, so I felt the need to make a post about music. So what do I do? I turn on the Beatles. The genesis of modern music. My boyfriend is Beatles-crazy, but I'll admit I haven't connected to them much in recent years. Of course, the Paul McCartney Carpool Karaoke reignited Beatlemania when that came out, but other than that, I was content with seldom listening to the Beatles.

 by Ahmad Nusyirwan 

But then I was just watching a video Paul McCartney shot for GQ where he discussed the origin of his most influential songs, and I remembered why I was so taken with the Beatles at 13, 40 years after they were first famous.  My mom used to have the "Number 1's" album and she would play it in her car, much to my sister's and my chagrin initially, then delight. My independent performance "career" started when I choreographed my own routine to "Eight Days a Week" and dressed like an OG hippie.  When I took voice lessons, one of our recitals was ALL Beatles. I sang a solo to "Eleanor Rigby," which looking back is quite odd for a 15-year to sing a solo about a lonely spinster. I guess it appealed to my lonely spinster side (doesn't every woman have one?) 


My music obsession manifested when I was 2, around the same time I learned to read probably (I was an evolved toddler). I had a Playskool boombox and a pretty rad collection of tapes. I would lay on the floor at my aunt's house with my (now) uncle and listen to music on that thing. I took it with me at 3 years old on an 8-hour flight to London and listened to the original Cinderella soundtrack the entire time. (Sorry 1995 passengers).


I had a Walkman at around 9, and an iPod at 13. I would listen to everything from Shania Twain to "Accidentally in Love" (my teen angst song) to Disney to the Beatles. Music provided solace for my troubled, sad heart. 

     to 

Okay, enough nostalgia. It's time for some reviews. 

It's been a week since the newest Jonas Brothers album came out. I just listened to most of it last night. It was quite a comeback. The different melodies and sounds are different but stayed true to their sound. I feel like I'm listening to a refined version of the pop-tastic band I fell in love with at 15.   I remember when they first released "Sucker" and did #LateLateJonas in March, I was concerned. I was like "They are men. Husbands. Fathers (well Kevin is). Is this really necessary? Do they have it in them?" Then I watched Jonas Carpool Karaoke and their performance of Sucker. (Spoiler alert: they're back.) If you watch the talk show interviews, Nick has totally become the leader. In their Disney days, Joe was the leader. Interesting paradigm shift. I'm quite excited for August 9th when my amazing friend is taking me to their concert. 
 P.S. Yes, the name of this post is taken from a Jonas Brothers song (Play My Music). 

It's been about a month since Rocketman came out. I just saw that on Wednesday. Again, from the opening scene, I remembered why I loved Elton John at 15. (Side note: the little kids at the beginning of the movie should win Junior Oscars.) They seamlessly incorporated Elton's most powerful songs in all the key events of his eventful life. Taron Egerton absolutely SLAYED, and I love the actor who played Bernie, Elton's writing partner. I just don't even know what else to say except that even my picky film critic boyfriend loved it. I will say the movie was VERY stark. Samoa banned it for gay sex, and I was slightly freaked out by the snorting. So there's those 2 caveats. 

"Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours." 
- Elton John 
Read more at  https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/music

                                                   
                                                      Design by furzzy15

* I find it interesting that all the artists I featured in this post have done Carpool Karaoke lol. It's prolific. 

What are your influences of music? What are your memories? Leave some thoughts in the comments. 

Stay tuned for my next post (I promise it will not take a year to come out! 🙈)

Friends

The Science of Friendships

Humans are social beings. That's a scientific fact. We need relationships physiologically to lower stress. Relationships and social connections also have been shown to lower the risk of cardiovascular disease.* However, as I'm sure we've all experienced, it is exceedingly difficult to create, cultivate, and maintain meaningful, lasting, positive, relationships.

My Friendship Story

Personally, my social skills didn't fully develop until I was in my teens. In grade school (aka elementary school), kids were nice to me, but I had no idea that they even wanted to be my friend. I thought they were just being nice. (I also had a low opinion of myself, but that's another day). 

In middle school, I tried to break out of the shell I was in previously, but I think I pushed a little too hard and probably rubbed people the wrong way when I was trying to become their friends. Again, maybe not. My social skills were not well-attuned. 

In high school, I tried to strike more of a social balance, but I still had difficulty keeping friends. I thought the seasons when we weren't as close meant they didn't care about me anymore. I didn't understand relationships change and evolve in their nature. I still struggle with that. I wanted those girls (and guy) to stay friends in the same way they always were. 

In college, I finally found a group that, for the most part, remained intact for a full 2 years (from my sophomore to senior year). We had some amazingly fun times. I will always carry those people and experiences with me. I communicate with a few of them almost 5 years later. 

Current Friendship Status

Currently, I have some friends I have a lot of respect and care very much for, and I try to keep in touch with them however and whenever I can. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends in my area, unless you count my awesome teacher colleagues with whom I work. Writing letters is so much fun! I write letters to 3 different friends, and I learn insights about them I didn't expect to. 

I have some friends who I still consider friends (or I would like to), but they are in a very different season in their lives than I am. I often wonder how I can become friends with them again. They're still in the same region and they're the same women, but because of their different season, how do I reach back out?  

How do we cope when we lose a friend?

Sometimes friends change too much, and they're not the same people you loved. Therefore, the friendship ends and is lost. I know whenever I've lost close friends, whether organically or through fallings-out, a little piece of my heart disintegrates as the relationship does. Obviously, change is part of life. Sometimes, there's nothing we can do but to let the friendship fade away like a painting left in the sun. I've learned that not all friendships last forever, but we should treasure those that remain intact as years pass.  

Pun of the Post (POP): "There are good ships and bad ships, but the best kind of ships are friendships." 

* In Good Company: NBC article

Shame

Hester Prynne is probably the most oversimplified but misunderstood character in literature.* 

OK so maybe not the most, but 
A) I'm prone to hyperbole, and 
B) I'm not familiar with every literary character. 

But I digress. 

That woman went through complete, utter hell. 

Because of her one mistake, she was barred from society. 

Because of her one indiscretion, she was forced to wear evidence of her mistake every day, in public, subject to ridicule. 

At least that scarlet "A" forced her to make peace with herself and come to grips with her mistake. Also, it would seem that the "A" also caused her to own up to her mistakes and have confidence in her choices, as evidenced in this passage. Plus, she conceived a beautiful child out of that ugly mess. (That would certainly be easier if it were the case with me. Children make all parts of my life better). 

Is a public display of your mistake easier than having an unseen "A"? Like a dark hand choking out your confidence and self-worth, it is very difficult to overcome the feeling of shame. I We are haunted by our mistake every time something remotely related to the indiscretion surfaces. I am You are terrified that someone will mention or reference it and the feelings will be renewed. 

I guess I we can learn something from Hester. Don't let your mistakes cause you to compromise your self-worth, and don't let shame overtake your acceptance of your choices.

QUOP: "In a moment, however, wisely judging that one token of her shame would but poorly serve to hide another, she took the baby on her arm, and, with a burning blush, and yet a haughty smile, and a glance that would not be abashed, looked around at her townspeople and neighbours. On the breast of her gown, in fine red cloth, surrounded with an elaborate embroidery and fantastic flourishes of gold thread, appeared the letter A."                                                                 - Nathaniel Hawthore, The Scarlet Letter, Chapter 2

*It's also been a long time since I read The Scarlet Letter, so forgive me if my plot points are a little off. 

Secrets

Why do we have secrets? For some of us, it's because there are parts of our personality or our past that we don't feel comfortable sharing. Or it's something we're ashamed of and we hide it from ourselves, so we are reluctant to share with other people as it's something we don't want to face. 

How do we decide if we should share a secret? For me, it's easy. If I've been open with someone on several levels, then I have no qualms with sharing because I feel like they already know most everything about me. We also have to gauge how the other person might react. In my case, I was coaxed into sharing. Because of the depths of my feelings, I thought it was the right time. 

When (if) we finally share them, how are we supposed to feel? I think it depends on how the other person reacts to the sharing of our secret, both external and implied.  For example, when I told my deepest, darkest secret to the person who has my heart and soul, they reacted better than I thought. Externally, they told me they still cared for me and the overall secret and its implications didn't affect their feelings for me. 

Implied is another matter. My secret is now a weapon in their hands. Something they can push back in my face because of human nature as well as the nature of the secret itself. It's already happened; less than 4 hours after I shared it. My heart is broken, but due to the vulnerability I exposed by virtue of sharing the secret, I feel like I deserve it. Let's hope this last secret I've kept from them isn't the dealbreaker. 

QUOP: "There are no secrets that time does not reveal." - Jean Racine

 What are your opinions on secrets? Drop a comment below.